It took almost a decade to tell people I do healing for others confidently.  I’ve made three websites and have not succeeded with them as much as I wanted. And I have just completed 4th one last week and produced videos for the first time.  It was not a smooth path at all. All I had was my strong desire and determination.
 
To this point, I had to learn and let go of a particular energy that was not contributing to my creativity. That was my warrior energy.  
 
Warrior energy is about boundaries, defending, protecting and going on the offensive when necessary. Therefore, when a boundary has been violated, we don't torelate. You need to be aware of what that boundary is because it allows you to understand what is important to you and how you define yourself.
 
My warrior energy was heavily enslaved. Its services/contribution was manipulated but ignored, and so its sacrifice was forgotten. Letting go of the energy liberated me. However, I needed to understand by becoming a warrior in this lifetime again.  I spent a half-century to understand and let it go.
 
The Memory of Who We Truly Are
Once upon a time, when the dark invaded Gaia, we lost the battle with them.  Since then, the sense of loss has always remained deep in our souls and becoming a slave due to the defeat scarred our souls. 
 
Because we had memories of once being complete beings somewhere in our hearts, we felt lacking coming from the experience that something vital to us was separated.  
 
The questions of "How did we become enslaved from birth to death in this realm? “and "What the hell happened?” remained in our consciousness. 
 
We needed to remember what we had lost for a long time. 
To remember what happened to us and who we were, we were required to trace back to what happened and understand our trauma. 
 
By understanding the cause of our trauma and the loss, we can remember what we were once before the defeat. It is not about retaliating against the dark force or making us victims of the circumstance. 
 
I was required to live and experience the inner war again during my lifetime up until now to understand the whole hidden history of humanity since the invasion. I first needed to understand what happened to us to know what we truly are.
 
Warrior Energy
I describe warrior energy as determination, discipline and a strong focus on protecting loved ones - the characteristics are mainly used for battles.
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"Why do we feel we have to fight for our lives?"
"Why do we always feel we must defend and protect ourselves and our loved ones by fighting?" 
 
If we did not experience the defeat, we would not know what it is like to be enslaved.  Because we had the trauma of losing our human dignity, we kept fighting because we did not want to feel the same pain.  
 
Throughout history, fighting has been our way of life.  We physically fought in the war and later financially fought for survival. We fought for our family, children and ourselves for survival.  Not only men but also women fought for their survival. 
 
We thought the world was dangerous and our family was in danger. We needed to be strong to protect the innocence of our children and vulnerability.  Personally, I was a warrior, a woman and a mother who fought for the innocence of the inner child.  I always made sure that they and I were safe. I even demanded Gaia fight for us harder.  We all were a warrior with and without choice.  
 
We were alert 24/7.  Sometimes, we attacked our enemy before we got attacked out of fear that we may experience the pain again.   Even only by the thought of being attacked, we were already in a combat state.  We lived our lives to prepare for the tragedy of the possible attack. 
 
We lost trust in life and ourselves.  For survival, we thought we needed to sacrifice everything we had.   We ended up becoming self-sufficient in the warrior program. We became the ones who ran the program and were busy being a part of it. We were a slave to the program. All they did was to keep giving a flavour of fear to the masses to the extent that we did not become frozen and could not move all the time.
 
At times, we did not even know what we were fighting for anymore.  The ones who lost their purpose of fighting became a danger to anybody.  We fought for the sake of fighting.  Fighting without a purpose turned into just violence. The victim by the perpetrator became the perpetrator, and this became a chain of violence.
 
No one can blame others harshly and the system as entirely evil because we were all a part of the program once.  It was more complex and intertwined than just black and white. We needed to understand it at a deep level.
 
The Separation of the Male and Female Energies
The dark controlled us by making the male and female energies fight one another.  The male and female energies lost trust in one another. 
 
When those energies were working harmoniously together, we created what we wanted.  However, the power of manifesting by the two energies was used to maintain the power of the dark.  All their gifts were used for fighting: male energy commands female energy to do their tasks for the “greater good”.  Every individual sacrificed themselves, their family, and their connection to Gaia for their "love" for their family, the country or world peace.
 
The female communicates through words. Her expressions are the source of creativity. That is her power and role.  
The gentleness and sensitivities of the male are to understand her, and his strength is to manifest her desires in this physical realm. 
 
However, when we are in survival mode, the male energy (mind and body) cannot hear what the female energy (heart) is saying and cannot create and manifest the heart’s desires in this physical realm. Because he is not fulfilling his role, he cannot feel fulfilled. On the other hand, our heart shrinks, and she cannot express herself. When she cannot express herself freely, she can't feel fulfilled. 
 
With the interference of the dark, the masculine manipulated and controlled the feminine by physical threat. He considered her vulnerability a nuisance or even a danger to the power structure, so he stopped listening to her and trying to understand her.  The feminine felt unsafe expressing herself to him, so she gave up communicating her vulnerabilities and desires.
 
She thought she must influence and control people around her with words to solve her problems.  Her words became a weapon, like a sword, to attack or manipulate people around her.  That is the only way she knew for her survival. She used the power to change her loved ones, others, and the world.  She interfered with their decisions as a warrior woman and mother. She became strong. 
 
The female energy lost trust in the male energy.  Consequently, she became submissive to him for her survival.  She wanted to make him value her by giving up her expressions and heart desires. When she wanted something, she manipulated and used him to get it for her. 
But the flip side was occasional emotional intensity and explosive anger. She used the intensity to attack and blame him, and this repetitive pattern resulted in distrust in herself. 
 
The masculine lost trust in the feminine because she hurt him with her intense accusations.  He ignored her messages, resisted, and avoided understanding her.  If he started to listen to her vulnerability, he would need to reflect on what he did to her and the pain he caused her.  He knew he was the one to be blamed for her becoming hysterical and angry or even depressed. And then, when he was out of control, he threatened her to shut her mouth with his physical strength. This caused distrust in himself. 
 
The masculine thought the way to protect her was to become strong in fighting.  For survival, being influenced by our vulnerability was a danger to our existence, so he stopped feeling emotions. 
However, he lost himself without her and could not find a way back to her.  The feminine was angry and depressed because she thought he didn’t care about her.  Most of all, the pain she carried was not being able to express herself freely.  His pain was not being able to manifest what she desired in this physical world.  
Birthing and creating new by working harmoniously is their true purpose, but their focus and priority were fighting for survival.
 
Returned Soldiers
Even though I, as a warrior woman, fulfilled my role of fighting for survival (I can even say it was a spiritual war), I didn't feel satisfied with my life, and the pain and anger remained within me for a while. 
In fact, up until recently, I was exhausted and left with no energy.   I was a returned soldier after a long period of fighting. I felt I needed rehabilitation and to learn to live in a new environment where there was no more fight for survival. 
"What were these fights all about?"
"The cost of my life, fellow soldiers and family, what did we gain?"
“For the love of my country, what did I do?"
"Whatever I did for the love of my family and the country is justifiable?"
"When I stop being a warrior, what am I?”
“How do I live as a non-soldier/warrior?”
“What does it mean by creating my life with my heart desires? How?” The sense of emptiness and nothingness without fighting turns into pain, and the pain turns into anger against the "love" for the country. I had anger against my love for my family, which kept the structure. I felt a sense of loss and exhaustion despite no more fighting. 
 
All we knew was being strong for survival, which gave us a sense of living and our life's purpose. Without fighting, how can we have meaning in my life now?  
 
Even though we battled to protect our loved ones, guilt from attacking and hurting people haunted us.  There is nowhere to escape.  
 
Even though I blamed and could not forgive myself then, I now have no regrets about what I did and said because that was the only way I knew.  I may not be proud of myself, but at least I am not ashamed of myself. The feeling of shame or guilt would not be able to mourn the warriors within and understand the people who have fought for their survival throughout all their lives. Learning from the warrior energy within is to value our and the warriors' (even the deceased) lives and experiences.   
 
Without learning about the trauma, we would not have understood the cause of the emptiness, pain, and anger from losing the connection between male and female energies.  
 
By understanding the warrior energy, we can soothe our souls and those of the deceased warriors (ancestors) who continued to carry the pain and isolation even after their death. Finally, understanding the energy will enable us to mourn for them and free them from the prison of pain.
 
The End of the War for Humanity by Healing Ourselves
We thought the strong mind was everything.  We believed being strong was how to change ourselves, people and the world.  
On the one hand, because of our determined warrior energy, we were able to face and triumph over all of our life challenges.  The determination contributed to healing ourselves persistently and learning from our traumas for all these years. On the other hand, because of their ability to achieve, even though healing is a process and journey, we focused on only the future final result as "healing completed".  We had the attitude of "no matter what, we will achieve the goal." Furthermore, we regarded our vulnerability as a danger to our existence. It was also the weakness of our enemy, which we attacked effectively. We commanded our hearts to shut up and obey the mind. We had strong discipline to ourselves and others. 
 
Therefore, due to those warrior characteristics, our warrior energy became the biggest obstacle to healing ourselves. Going within ourselves to let go of the energy took much more effort and time. 
 
As for our healing process, under chaotic situations that seemed to need urgent solutions, while knowing this opposing effect of the warrior energy, we often faced problems. This required us to have tremendous patience for ourselves and others.  After all, all we could do was heal what we could deal with every moment without giving up, even though we felt or looked like nothing was moving forward or changing. The warrior energy reminds us of gatekeepers who cannot leave the gate: they are between attacking and protecting.
 
When our mind forced the healing process, we became spiritual bypass.  The spiritual bypass is when our mind thinks we have healed without expressing vulnerability. I know this because I was there.  
 
Our warrior energy was used to maintain the power and control of the dark. They wanted us to be occupied with consuming our energy to fight for their survival.  They ensured that the male and female energies confronted each other and did not trust one another. Our creativities were not used for our true evolution.  All capabilities and qualities that the masculine and feminine had were used for survival.  The warrior energy hindered our creativity to make our lives better. 
 
Our history has repeated itself based on wars because the manipulated masculine (mind) has run our world.  During that time, we did not create new ideas and concepts for our evolution, by those two energies working harmoniously together.  The female energy (heart) connected to the higher self and soul is the source of creation that was put away and pushed down. We created everything for competitions or battles in the way the female energy submitted to the male energy. There was no freedom for the female energy to express herself.  
 
When the male and female energies integrate, we evolve by manifesting what our hearts desire. Our desire to experience and know who we are by displaying our desires drives evolution.  Our male and female energies must rediscover their actual roles and work harmoniously with each other. When the integration between the two energies happens, history no longer repeats itself through the fight for survival.
 
Creativity Comes from Inner Peace
Creativity starts when we find peace, where we cease fighting for survival.  This means that the masculine stops over-protecting the feminine to the extent that she cannot express herself.
 
When the feminine can express herself to the masculine and he manifests her desires in the physical realm, creation begins. 
 
After an extended period, the masculine and feminine are now finding each other after a long, lonely journey.  All the distortions that they both had toward one another have been continuously healed. They have gradually regained trust in one another. Finally, they dropped their guard by knowing that they were safe. 
 
Even though they were lost in their journey, fighting for survival started with love for each other.
 
We know ourselves through understanding our trauma and vulnerabilities; that is how we connect with our souls, and that is how we discover the truth. 
 
Our souls are the accumulation of knowledge and wisdom of the universe.  The truth about our history will be discovered by connecting with our hearts and soul.  We will never find it through books because we have kept it deep in our hearts and souls.  Healing our trauma and expressing our vulnerability is the only way to rediscover the truth about us and humanity.
 
At the end of the long battle, it was time to let go of our warrior energy, which had tried to protect us during the war.   We drop our guard and armour and then open the gate to our new world of peace, where the male and female energies work harmoniously.  We are finally arriving home!!!

I thought I could not have a dream, and realise my heart's desires until I had enough money to do what I wanted. And so, I did not allow myself to want what I desired. 

I was talking with my friends and sharing what we want in another group and one of them said, “I want to create a retreat centre and I am planning various things for it!  I’m having fun doing it, however, I don't have money for it yet!” He looked very happy and joyful :)

My friend in Japan was sharing her dream of also creating a retreat centre in the countryside of my hometown. And she also looked very happy! 

I felt they were living for their life, not just surviving, even though they may not have enough money yet. 

We are giving so much power to money by not allowing ourselves to have dreams and pursue what we want.

Do our dreams and desires have something to do with money?

I learned that we need it to survive and manifest our dreams, but our life has nothing to do with money… our body dies when we are ready to leave this world and has nothing to do with money. So then our life must have nothing to do with money! 

Being truly alive depends on the free expression of our heart and her desires. When we lose them, our sense of living dies and we just survive thinking that money has absolute power over us. 

I’m now wealthy with my joyful vision and aspirations, not so much restricted by a bank balance. I am much more than my bank balance!.

There may be vulnerable emotions and feelings surrounding our heart desires. 
In my case, it was unworthy to acknowledge and communicate those vulnerable emotions with myself and others.  “Who cares about them anyway…” So my heart gave up expressing them.
Instead, I perceived expressions of vulnerabilities as problems that needed to be solved.
Therefore, I became a super solution-driven person.  Offering solutions to problems to others made me feel worthy of living.  Being solution-driven means issues needed to exist in the first place and consequently, I was attracting issues constantly one after another.  It was a coping mechanism coming from the feeling of worthlessness.  This was my perception, not the truth. 
Fear and pain coming from the sense of worthlessness were suppressed to the point that I did not feel it anymore.  In fact, there were no more solutions to the feeling of unworthiness unless it was to be expressed and understood. 


Those expressions are the source of our creativity and the power that we are. 
I knew deep within that I am worthy and had been waiting to be discovered and felt all these years. Interestingly, our deep knowing is gained through experiencing the vulnerability.  


“I am not worthy” = “I want to feel worth of myself.” = “I am worthy.”


Your inner voice needs to be heard and your heart desires to be expressed, not only to yourself but also to others, because your voice will resonate with the others’ inner voice. That is how we know who we are.

I’d like to share the before-and-after of my painting which took two years to complete.
This painting taught me so much about self-trust.
 
Initially, I wanted to paint how Gaia (the earth) was created. I resonate so much with the energy of her creation.  We all have the same energy within us, otherwise, we wouldn’t exist here on this earth in the first place. The life you create from your heart's desire is the same frequency as Gaia’s.
 
Furthermore, I wanted to use all colours.  But using all colours was very challenging for me because the more colours we use, the more chances to make it into a mess. Well, at least with my skill 🙂
 
In the beginning, I was painting with joy and excitement.  Then I wanted to add a volcano. That caused an obstacle in the flow.   Painting the volcano became my obsession and tried to make a balance between the colours of other parts and the volcano's.  But the more I adjusted to make it fit in and regain the flow, the more the entire painting became a disaster.
 
In the end, I stared at the volcano for 2 years. The more I stared at it, the more I disliked the entire painting. I ended up putting it away in our hallway with other paintings so that it was not in my face 24/7.
 
But I still really wanted to complete it.  4-5 months ago, I picked up a brush and resumed painting. I removed the volcano.  It finally regained its flow and I completed it.  I felt so good!
 
The beautiful balance cannot be made only by adjusting colours around our obsession. But it can be made when my body (hand) listens to my heart, rather than my mind.
 
A beautiful balance of colours in the entire painting is made by expressing yourself from your heart every moment.  We may not know exactly what the end result will look like. It is rather unknown. But we have the intention of wanting to paint a certain theme.  But how we go about it is we need to experience vast expressions of our heart.  That is how we know who we are, the entire painting!
 
When I think of the big picture to be perfect so much, I become indecisive at every moment about which colours to use due to my obsession with the balance of the entire colours.  Then it stops its flow. Painting itself ends up completely stopping.
 
But if you just use a colour following your heart every moment without obsessive thought and perfection, there will be a perfect balance in the colours in the small parts and the colours in the entire painting.  And this balance is beauty.
 
Our being and life are exactly that!
 
The title of the painting is “Your True Colours”

Living our life: expressing who we truly are and supporting others to do the same.
​Interestingly, this helps you not to be influenced by the current (I call it “old”) system whose foundation is built by using fear and trauma to control us.
Live or survive? It is a choice of how you choose to see and experience your world.
Is survival the true state of who we are?
It is a reactive state by the control of the system. The state of survival is exactly what the current system wants us to be in.  We have survived in the system which is meant to be difficult to LIVE in.
Aren’t we tired of being in survival mode our whole life? It is time to stop giving our power to the system by doing exactly what they want us to do.
Fighting the old system is actually fighting against ourselves. That is exactly what it wants us to do. The word “fight” manifests its counterpart as soon as you use it.  The word, “fight” cannot exist without a counterpart called an enemy.  For you to feel you exist in this world, you don’t need a counterpart who undermines you.  In other words, your belief system and the story are attacking you.
Fighting with yourself is not sustainable and cannot lay the foundation of our future community and cannot evolve. 
We are leaving the system based on fear.  Heal your personal trauma…That is human evolution.  
If we all, do it individually, we are out of the grid system. We are all powerful individuals, the foundation of the community.  This will create a healthy, creative, and evolving community.
We support each other but don’t depend on each other.
Yes, we all have fear.  The key is that we are aware of it, not controlled by it.
Having a healthy relationship with yourself is listening to what your heart truly desires and manifest it every day.  Manifesting your heart desires can be a little thing like painting, walking in nature, listening music or meeting with you lovely friend. You CAN choose whatever you like. 
Then your effect on human evolution will be more powerful than 1,000 words or actions against the system.
Fight for your rights or live your life how you want - exercising the right you are born with. It is your choice.  We have had and will always have the right to freedom since we were born on this earth. Fighting for your rights has implications as if we don’t have the right. Fighting is always giving power to the other side.
You can create your life anytime.  Freedom is not given by the system. We innately have it.
When all individuals are functioning from fear, unity becomes collective co-dependency and is easy to be broken by division.
When a community is founded on joy and the thriving life of individuals, we are powerful as a community and then we can truly hope for the happiness of others.
Foundation is everything.
We cannot build anything on reaction because reaction always comes together with a counterpart. They are both sides of a coin.  The old system cannot live without our reaction.
We are experiencing human evolution by recognizing ourselves as beautiful complete beings.
We don’t need abuse and control of the dark, to know who we are.
Then you are emotionally, mentally, and energetically “LIVING ‘Off Grid’”!!!.